Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Let's Get This "Potty" Started!

Calling all potty training parents!!! It is time!!! (Holding the naked child up to the sky like Mufasa from the Lion King)

Alright, lets get this thing started. Let's pick this apart like CSI..We will discuss the "when", "what", "where" and "why" and "Huhhh?"

Well, here is where I may lose some of my followers..But I am going to say it because I believe in it..Your child IS ready to potty train. No matter what your doctor says, no matter what your mom says. Listen..don't be afraid to start familiarizing your child with the potty at about 9-12 months. Most likely, you have noticed that the kid saved you one less diaper because she was dry after her nap..Well, if you expected her to pee while she was asleep and she didn't..its probably a good idea to sit her on the potty after her nap..Folks , its not rocket science.

On Soap Box
I saw this infomercial in one of my many insomniac spells called "Your Baby Can Read."Basically, this program begins teaching 6 month old babies to read..Okay, it looks like memorization to me , but its impressive! They say that a baby's brain thrives on stimulation and develops the most..like 75% in the first 3 years. During those years is when babies can learn two household languages..So why are you waiting so long to potty train? If a child can learn Chinese and English in the first 2 years of life-darn it, your baby can learn to pee and poop in a potty!
Off Soap Box

Children typically go poop after they eat..If you think about it you know what time your child poops, that's why you and Daddy take turns changing that stinky diaper each night after dinner.

How about exposing the little cutie's booty to the potty after dinner while doing the dishes. You can begin doing these things early. Of course, your 12 month old is not going to come to you and say.."Mother dear perhaps we should retire to the restroom so that I may relieve my bladder." But they will start to know whats expected of them.

Let me say this. There is nothing wrong with waiting until your child goes to 4th grade to potty train, but they sure know what they don't want to to do after the age of two. Potty training is just another wonderful game when it's started early..Yes, I have eight children all of whom were potty trained by 2 or 2 1/2 (boys and girls) no joke..

This topic is what, like what things to have..I think this is the most important part of potty training. Dude, you gotta have the right gear! Here is what I suggest. If you are starting young,

I like the potty chairs that sing a song, or make some kind of "Price is Right" showcase noise when the child makes a "deposit." The kids think that its funny, because it is! Your child will love making the potty sing. The older children don't need such elaborate equipment because they should be able to sit there without all of the fan fare. I also suggest that parents have some thing portable like a seat to go on top of toilets. Why? One word..Commitment. Make it crystal clear to your child that you aren't just doing this funny potty dance at home. You will be sitting them on the potty at specified times no matter where they are-including grandma's house and McDonalds.

Lets talk clothes. Trust me..you will get extremely sick of figuring out what to do with those back flaps of the onesie t-shirts. You will pull that flap out of enough pee and poop to last a life time. Try taking a peak at http://www.snaphistadri.com/. Hallelujah!! This design finally speaks to us busy parents. Now, this potty training apparel is actually a onesie type shirt, that allows you to snap that back flap up onto the back of the shirt so, that the child can sit there and move around freely without you having to worry about something other than pee floating on the potty. What a breeze! Not potty training yet? Snap-Hi-Sta-Dri is great for messy diapers too!

Last but not least, get some loot! Kids love stickers, tattoos, small toys, etc. Hey, whats wrong with a little bribery. If it works in Washington, D.C-It can work for pee-pee.

I have come under fire for my views on this subject-but I'm trying to get your kid to squeeze the Charmin. Your potty chair should start off in a room where the child spends a lot of time. (Especially, if you are starting early.) I don't think potty time should be a "time out" sentence. Let the child hang out on his throne close to you where you can praise him immediately. So when you hear that magical potty play it's happy tune, you and your child can party like its 1999..Remember make it fun..let your child see you do things that you've never done before when they do their business.

Don't get it twisted. I'm not saying don't ever put the potty in the bathroom, because there should only be so many aromas in the kitchen. Just remember how intimidating the sights and sounds of a large commode is when a child is checking it out at eye level. You don't want to scare the pee out of you child..or do you?? Let the family get involved at first, then gradually put the equipment where it belongs.

Because diapers cost to freakin' much! You love them, but you are sick of wiping multi-colored gooey, foul smelling stuff off their back sides. That's why..enough said.

Back to the top, its not rocket science parents, but you do have to commit to this task like you are studying for your doctorate's degree. Consistency, and persistency are the key words here. Do the same thing at the same time each day and every day.

Don't skip the morning potty ride because you had to much to drink the night before. If your baby senses that you are not serious about getting this accomplished, he will just make sure he stays snuggled in those Huggies for a long winters nap.

Happy Training!

Monday, February 23, 2009


Okay, parents its time to get those babies off the diapers and onto the potty. Those kids will pee and poop you out of house and home if you don't get started now!

Let's face it, those "tween" toddlers don't want to release the warm and fuzzy feeling of that wet diaper. They don't want to flash their newly acquired butts to the cold world. So, parents it's up to you!

I know, I know for all of this time you have perfected the art of wiping their tiny bottoms without getting even as much as a fingernail wet or poopy. Dads, you probably just mastered how to change that stinky thing right before the game resumes at the 2 minute warning.

You probably are trying to figure out what that darn diaper genie thing will be used for now, after months of marveling how soiled diapers become link sausage.

Well, I'm here to help you get on the right track.

So, let's start with preparing you for what's in store. Ready???

  1. Your child will release his bodily functions in many other places than the potty.

  2. Your child will not pee or poop on your schedule.

  3. You will slide in some invisible pee and almost fall if you have floors in your home.

  4. Your may find random feces gifts sprinkled around the house during this learning process.

  5. Your child will not use the newspaper..no matter how hard you try!

So...I will give you some time to "get cha, get cha head in the game" (for you Disney followers),

and go into the telephone booth change into your costume with the large "P" on your chest, and get ready to get this potty training thing started!

See ya next time!